If you’re reading this, you probably asked, “Are relationships hard?” or “Why is my relationship failing?” You’re in a long-term relationship, and you’ve been together for a while; you’re having some problems. Soon you might wonder why it’s so hard to keep relationships.
At first, maybe you thought everything was pretty easy. Things went pretty smoothly, you didn’t fight or disagree, and no one got upset when trying to decide which Netflix movie to watch or which Seamless restaurant to order from. If you’ve been in a relationship or are in one now, you know that it comes with its challenges. Misunderstandings, tiredness, comparing, and resentment are a few of the things that can cause problems. Misunderstandings, tiredness, comparing, and resentment are a few of the things that can cause problems. But, as life would have it, things will get real sooner or later.
That could mean a breakup after a year or two or three, or it could mean that you’re just not as interested in your relationship as you used to be, or it could just feel like things aren’t going anywhere. But no matter what the reason is, something like this always happens. Don’t worry if this is how your life is right now. This article should tell you what to do when this happens and why it happens. Keep these things in mind when things get hard in your relationship. They range from keeping your own sense of self to letting yourself be open and asking questions.
You create expectations
When you like someone, it can be fun to think about what your relationship could be like. But if we go into a relationship with high hopes, we might feel let down. When either person is put on a pedestal, it can lead to anger and frustration, which can make the relationship hard to handle. We often make relationships hard on ourselves by going into them expecting miracles and not being ready to work at them.
For a relationship to grow into something healthy and long-lasting, it needs care and attention. Even though a partner can be helpful when you’re having trouble, they can’t carry your problems for you. You might have been fooled by fairy tale love stories and social media photos of perfect relationships. But fairy tales are just stories, and you don’t know how much work and struggle go into the relationships you see around you. If you have wrong ideas about your relationship, it will be harder for you to be happy in it.
Decisions are made together
Do you intend to marry someone? Want children? The number? Where ought you to reside? What should you do on the weekends? What kind of spending should you do? What amount should you put aside? It keeps going on and on. You are no longer always permitted to act as you please. There will be some decisions that must be made together.
And when you’re so accustomed to doing as you please, this might be challenging. When you don’t get everything you want, it frequently results in compromise, it might cause disagreements, and it can even cause bitterness. It may feel like your life is being limited, especially if you have always been a free-spirited person who has always done what they want.
This explains why becoming a relationship for certain people can be so challenging. Also, there is no rush or pressure to take a certain path by a certain date because the rules of courtship are so vague. This makes it harder to tell if you and your partner are on the same page. It’s simple for your relationship to fail if you can’t tell if you’re looking for the same thing. Communicate! Long-term, this will be of tremendous assistance.
Relationships come with past baggage
You have history. What’s this? Both your partner and everyone else share this opinion. And certain events from our past continue to emotionally affect us today. This could be a problem because these things happened before you arrived, and you don’t have any personal experience with them. It can be difficult for you to fully comprehend why they still have such influence over your partner now. Their actions can sometimes make no sense and seem out of character, leaving you confused and unable to help. Because you aren’t entirely aware of the underlying cause of the shift you are observing, you can say or do the wrong thing.
Even if you and your spouse have talked about the problems that have caused these feelings in them, your comprehension may only extend to a logical, factual point of view. Because you haven’t shared their experiences, you won’t be able to understand their thoughts and feelings. Being taught about something is not the same as experiencing it, whether your partner experienced childhood abuse, had an unfaithful ex, or was a victim of a terrible event like a car accident or terrorist attack.
Then there are more tangible types of baggage, including children from a previous relationship, money troubles like debt, and health challenges (though these have an emotional impact too). To build a partnership with another person, you must acknowledge that they bring their past into the relationship, just as you do. You use one hand to grip your partner’s hand while using the other to transport your belongings.
The relationship is taken for granted
It’s excellent when relationships get to the point where both people are entirely comfortable. But can the “normal” of a healthy, functioning relationship actually feel… boring? In new relationships, there can be a lot of drama, misunderstandings, new hurdles, new opinions, etc. After we’ve been with someone for a while, we learn how to manage, navigate misunderstandings, and find calm in the day-to-day.
This happens when we find ourselves taking our partner for granted. Love can look different throughout a relationship. Instead of a spontaneous date your partner once took you on, they make your coffee every morning. Or they play your favorite song when you’re feeling down. Recognize how each of you is showing your love and try to honor that.
You don’t share your vulnerabilities
You’ll keep your worries, anxieties, and fears hidden from other people for a large portion of your life. Nobody outside your immediate family, friends, and coworkers may be aware of what’s going on in your thoughts (depending on your relationships with these people). However, a healthy relationship calls for greater vulnerability and transparency than you’re used to. Your partner will probably end up being the one you share the most things with if you give the relationship enough time to grow.
You’ll express your emotions, your ideas, your dreams, your anxieties, your insecurities, and all of your other feelings. And it’s not always easy to be this honest with someone else. The word “vulnerability” itself implies that you are leaving yourself open to possible harm and suffering. You won’t always get the reaction you want. Your partner can stare at you helplessly while you spill your guts, unable to think of anything to say or do.
Many people lack the emotional intelligence necessary to comprehend their needs in these circumstances. Even though it’s not their fault, you’ll still feel disappointed, sad, and perhaps even angry. The opposite is also true. You might want your partner to be more honest and open with you and reveal their innermost thoughts, but they might not be as willing. Even in the best circumstances, a situation like this can be difficult, may obstruct communication, and cause various other issues. You might suspect they are hiding something from you (accurately or incorrectly). Both parties may experience challenges with trust, and a lack of transparency might cause a rift between two people. Therefore, it won’t be easy whether you expose your weaknesses or hide them.
Intimacy is hard to muster
Going deep is challenging! Our romantic relationships are frequently the most fragile ones we have ever been in. Some of the most private thoughts or experiences we may have shared with anyone may have been with our partner.
The relationship may be challenging if either of you has difficulty engaging in emotional, mental, or physical intimacy. A healthy relationship can demand an excessive degree of emotional transparency. Therefore, move slowly. Create boundaries that both of you feel are secure and comfortable inside. Open communication is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship, but don’t forget to give each other their own mental space.
It’s not as exciting after a while
The first sparks of a new relationship come with excitement, butterflies, and the hope that you’ve found your true love and that things will get better. You inhale the fresh air, view the world through fresh eyes, and both take in and emit new energy. However, this is short-lived. Things start to feel routine, repetitive, and familiar, and that’s simply how every committed relationship develops naturally.
You quickly realize that preserving that affectionate connection takes work and energy, and a relationship requires effort. All of the above ideas, from thinking about the other person to dealing with baggage, require a constant effort to grow as an individual and as a team. While some couples find it more accessible, all teams require this care and consideration to succeed. Disappointment, discontent, and disagreement will manifest eventually. Although you might not desire or even anticipate them, every relationship has ups and downs. The secret is to embrace and manage the lows, stand by one another when life puts a wrench in the works, and savor and make the most of the highs.
You need some alone time
Humans are social beings, but there comes a time when we all need to retreat into a wilderness by ourselves (metaphorically speaking). Alone. However, this alone time becomes more scarce as a relationship progresses. You and your partner might share a home and most of your leisure time, and it’s difficult to withdraw for some quiet time.
Because of the close proximity, it is not only physically more challenging, but your partner may not require as much alone time as you, or vice versa. You must decide whether to give up your alone time or risk upsetting your loved ones if they want to be with you but you’d prefer to be alone. Relationships can be challenging for various reasons, and both options are not particularly appealing.
The longer you go without extended periods of alone time, the more likely you will get sick of your partner’s company and come to find them annoying. They could even make you despise them for stealing your free time. This presents a challenge for introverts because they require alone time to collect their thoughts, find their core, and refuel. Without it, they get mentally and emotionally tired, which makes the stress and pressure in their relationship worse.
Regardless of how you came across this post, you might have expected it to say that finding the proper partner wouldn’t be difficult. That thing would be simple if you discovered the appropriate person. Sorry to deflate your illusions. It’s not all bad news, either. Even the best relationships might present difficulties from time to time, but they are also full of laughter, joy, and beautiful moments.
And this is what makes a relationship that has problems different from one that is complicated and always hard. If you find that most days bring more conflict and strife than love and harmony, it is a good idea to examine at your relationship. You shouldn’t give up on a relationship that you have invested your heart and soul into quickly, but you also shouldn’t stick with it if it has repeatedly caused you worry and anguish over a long period. To put it another way, fight for it if there is the potential that your relationship will once again be one of joy and tranquility.
It’s acceptable to stop the relationship if you no longer see that as a possibility or a hope or if you think you are incompatible with your spouse. There are different types of difficulty, and if your relationship falls into the latter category, you have every reason to be worried. A good, healthy relationship should result in a net gain for you; it should provide more benefits than costs, and the positive experiences should far outweigh the negative ones. Think about this when you next whine about how complicated your relationship is.
Still unsure about how to resolve your relationship problems? You don’t need to do everything on your own. Clarifying the issues and coming up with solutions can be made much easier by speaking with a relationship expert, alone or in a relationship.